Friends Season 5

Joey: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days?
Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.

Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!
Ross:HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!

Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O...
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad...

Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Okay, keep saying it!

Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Joey: A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.

Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well y'know, I’ve been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a ‘take notice’ walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?

Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uhh, 9
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise.

Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.

Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy!

Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!
Emily: Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now.
Ross: Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here!
Emily: She's there?!
Chandler: Oh yeah, there-there she is!

Ross: Pheebs are you wearing fur?
Phoebe: Okay, let's get some perspective people; it's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!

Joey: You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler: Oh, the tears are real.

Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!

Phoebe: What am I sitting on?
Chandler: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? ..eh I'm out.

Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?

Ross: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing.
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! It's been six months! It's not funny!
Joey:But, I love you.
Chandler:Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Joey:And that's Wednesday.

Ross: All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Joey: Done!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: It's not.
Ross: Or Joseph.
Joey: Oh.

Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
Bob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot.
Phoebe: What?!
Bob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner.
Phoebe: That chick can't handle my corner.
Bob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you.
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch.

Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Joey: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Joey: Well, I'm just -- if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!

Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.

Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.

Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Rachel: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler: And a date with a man

Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Monica: Oh my God! You don't know me at all!

Phoebe: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.
Rachel: What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: Your work makes me sad.

Ross: What the hell are doing?!!
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Joey: Dude! He's right there!

Ross: I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: What?! You say that to kids?!!
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.

Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!

Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.
Monica: You become friends after?
Joey: No, never done that either

Rachel: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! (They start up the stairs again. Chandler is between the couch and the wall now.) Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!

Ross: I can't believe that didn't work!
Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!
Chandler: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?

Monica: No, those first two windows, that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting

Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.

Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something

Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing

Joey: Don't you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Chandler: How?
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?

Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica: No way!
Chandler: It's true.
Monica: Well that's pathetic!
Chandler: Again true.
Monica: And this goes for all guys?
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.

Back