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Look. It's like this. Most people, when they get to college, feel really insecure. It seems like everybody around them knows so much more. So they race to try to catch up, pretend to know things, instead of slowing down to actually learn them. Because they don't realize that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience. See, if you can feel comfortable... not knowing, you can learn anything, ANYTHING. And if not, well, then you've stopped before you've begun. I don't mind
you kissing me if it's because you want to kiss me, not for revenge
or to help you forget someone else. Whatever happened between you
guys, you're gonna have to deal with it. Yourself. Just -- just
you. I'm not that girl anymore. I never really was. And I'm -- I'm not that white-as-snow image you've got, either. I'm somewhere in between. And I'm -- I'm just trying to figure it out I mean, you're still carrying around this huge torch for her that has no hope of extinguishing itself any time too soon I do have perception disorder. Let's just say, I'm geared to respond to life in a certain way and you say I don't respond like a typical adolescent, and you're right, I don't, but emotionally, I do. I always have. I am very much my age emotionally, maybe even younger. And my feelings are in constant conflict with my overachieving self-aware brain and it's just a constant battle. And that's what's driving me crazy So I keep on waiting for my feelings to catch up so maybe I can finally grow up so I can finally get over Joey or accept that my parents may or may not work things out, but I think I have it backwards. In order to change my feelings I first have to change my actions because that's the only way somebody can change how they feel I'm just not all there. I mean, I can -- I can analyze somebody else until the cows wander home, but as soon as I turn all that indulgent perception on myself, it's like I completely lose connection between my heart and my head. It's like the two are incompatible, and I -- I can't get it together. And I really wish I could, because I'm so scared of what might happen if I don't. I, Does this make any sense to you at all? I guess I just want you to know that I'm not going to hold you to anything we've said in the past. I want you to live your life and be happy and enjoy everything that goes along with that. Pacey:
When she's around, I just feel more... I feel more alive. I think
people underestimate how important that is. I need to go
on with my life. Go back to college. Figure out who I am, and what
I want. This is not my place. Not here, and not with you. Theres a part of me that's gonna be in love with you for the rest of my life. I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you, and I never will be, and if I do this, you'll realize that you've grown way beyond me and I'm just going to lose you again. Like all great romantics, Shakespeare realized love was a lot more likely to end with a bunch of dead Danish people than with a kiss I have realized that every time i'm around you, I'm happy Next |
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