Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica: No way!
Chandler: It's true.
Monica: Well that's pathetic!
Chandler: Again true.
Monica: And this goes for all guys?
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing
Joey: Don't you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Chandler: How?
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Monica: No, those first two windows, that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting
Rachel: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! (They start up the stairs again. Chandler is between the couch and the wall now.) Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!
Ross: I can't believe that didn't work!
Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!
Chandler: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?
Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.
Monica: You become friends after?
Joey: No, never done that either
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!
Ross: What the hell are doing?!!
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Joey: Dude! He's right there!
Ross: I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: What?! You say that to kids?!!
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.
Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Rachel: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler: And a date with a man
Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Monica: Oh my God! You don't know me at all!
Phoebe: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.
Rachel: What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: Your work makes me sad.
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Joey: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Joey: Well, I'm just -- if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Ross: All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Joey: Done!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: It's not.
Ross: Or Joseph.
Joey: Oh.
Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! It's been six months! It's not funny!
Joey:But, I love you.
Chandler:Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Joey:And that's Wednesday.
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
- Friends, Season 5Ross: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!
Phoebe: What am I sitting on?
Chandler: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? ..eh I'm out.