Quotes by: “Friends, Season 1”:

Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.

Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack

Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.
Ross: It's morphin time!
Joey: Stegosaurus!
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!

Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment.

Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so

Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.

Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't -- you can't do...
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that.
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours.

Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.

Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Uh... yeah, why?
Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.
Rachel: Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.

Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.

Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.

Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon

Joey: The balloon?

Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.

Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer!

Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.

Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! 

Chandler: (in the ER) Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room 

Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that! 

Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too. 

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?

Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. 
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me..

Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with…
Chandler: ...Dinah?