Chandler: Couldn’t sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldn’t sleep. Y’know? I was like, if I fall asleep now I’ll get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now I’ll get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldn’t fall asleep.
Joey: You know what you should’ve done, you should have told yourself that little story
Ross: Okay let’s put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Joey: Look, can I just stop you right there for a second? When people do this (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) I don’t really know what that means. You were saying?
Ross: And I can even understand that you couldn’t tell Rachel, but why couldn’t you tell me, huh? You had all day to and you didn’t.
Joey: I know I should’ve. (Makes quote marks again.) "I’m sorry."
Ross: Not using it right, Joe.
Joey: Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me!
Chandler: What?! Why does she think that?
Joey: Because it kinda looked like I did.
Chandler: Again, what?!
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand…
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
- Friends, Season 8
Phoebe: I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it.
Ross: Yeah, exactly.
Phoebe: Right. Or you might get everything you’ve wanted since you were fifteen.
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Y’know I’ve been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesn’t understand) Duties. (Still doesn’t.) Duties! Poo. (Still doesn’t.)
The Interviewer: Poo?
Chandler: Oh my God this doesn’t count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! There’s a crazy guy out in the hall!
Phoebe: Y’know! You don’t make a very good first impression.
Phoebe: Oh you don’t know.
Chandler: Are you serious?!
Phoebe: Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!
Chandler: Oh come on Ross, I think we’re all losers here.
Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.
Chandler: Let me think. Let me think—Oh! I don’t care.
Joey: You-you must choose Mr. Bing.
Chandler: Either, it makes no difference.
Joey: Choose, you jackass!
Chandler: I’ll take a card.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross’s points!
Chandler: This game is kinda fun.
Ross: (To Chandler) You don’t think it’s a little crazy that you get all my points just ‘cause you…
Chandler: I don’t think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Phoebe: Wow! You do?
Jim: Yeah, (looks at his crotch) a Pretty Huge…
Chandler: Woah, woah, that’s not pretty!
Man on TV: Now, push!
Woman on TV: Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!
Chandler: Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.)
Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop!
Chandler: I am trying!
Chandler: There has got to be a way!
Joey: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin?
Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, I’m not an nine-year-old girl.
Ross: Well, OK, it’s for a boy. Well, I know it’s a little out there, but…Darwin.
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: Yeah, by Sandrine.
Ross: You’re just saying that ’cause I said no to your name!
Rachel: I’m really, really not.
Phoebe: How-how about you each get five vetoes?
Ross: That sounds fair.
Rachel: Yeah! I don’t think you’re going to need it though. Okay, check this out. If it’s a girl, Rain.
Ross: Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher?
Rachel: Ross, why do you hate our child?
Ross: Fine, you go.
Rachel: Okay, James.
Rachel: But only if it’s a girl.
Ross: Oh, veto. How about—Ooh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh! I’m sorry! Are we having an 89-year-old? How about Dayton?
Ross: Veto. Stewart?
Rachel: Veto. Sawyer?
Ross: Veto. Helen?
Phoebe: Is it me, or is veto starting to sound really good?
[Cut to Chandler laying in the bathtub. “Only Time,” is playing in the background.]
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isn’t so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because I’ve got my boat
Will: That’s right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross. (Points at Ross.)
Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.
Joey: That’s right! ‘Cause I’m a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don’t read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!- Friends, Season 8
Monica: Honey you-you got to beat your scores!
Chandler: With the claw?!
Chandler: Well I’ve been playing it for like eight hours, it’ll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, they’re dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it’s awesome
Joey: Alright, so…so tell me one of your moves.
Rachel: Alright. So where’d you grow up?
Joey: That’s your move? Boy Rach, you’re lucky you’re hot.
Monica: Chandler! Phoebe’s hogging the game!
Chandler: Who cares? It’s a stupid game.
Monica: You only think it’s stupid because you suck at it.
Chandler: I don’t suck. It’s sucks. You suck.
Monica: You used the Europe story!
Chandler: That’s the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
Rachel: How do you know about that story?!
Joey: How do you know about that story?!
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy!
Joey: (raises his hand) Some guy!! (Points to himself.)
Rachel: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!
Monica: Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don’t give out fake names.
Joey: Oh yeah? (To Phoebe) Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you.
Phoebe: Regina Philange. (Ken and Regina shake hands.)
Rachel: You know you kissed me first.
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
Rachel: I was sending you signals?
Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.)
Ross: This is insane, I'm not gonna make love to you just so that you'll go into labor.
Rachel: Make love? What are you a girl?
Ross: Always a great way to get in a man's pants.
Chandler: What I do do...is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
Phoebe: I see. Nice sidestep on the do do thing by the way.
Chandler: Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Cashier: I can tell you work out. A paleontologist who works out, you're like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)
Ross: I am like Indiana Jones
- Friends, Season 8
Chandler: Oh! Hi!
Chandler: Joey's gonna be thrilled! He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse.
Mona: Umm, actually I'm just a nurse.
Chandler: You'd think that would embarrass me, but you see I'm maxed out.