Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I’m just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica: Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben.
Monica: What are you guys gonna do?
Rachel: Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer?
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this one’s free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third one’s free.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the joke’s on you. Because we don’t need to get divorced, okay? We we’re just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I don’t think surgery’s the answer here.
Phoebe: Y’know, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Chandler: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
Phoebe: Or we could just follow your clever jokes – any ideas? No! Didn’t think so!
Chandler: "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Nice!
Joey: Yeah? I just figured y’know, after living with you it’d be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, y’know? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone who’s different than me. And what’s more different than me; a guy who’s not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Ross: …once you know the stories, it’s not that bad. First marriage, wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn’t allow you to get married when you’re that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada’s fault.- Friends, Season 6
Rachel: What-wh-what so we’ll just stay married forever?!
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! It’s right next to it!
Phoebe: What’s the big deal, y’know? It’s not like it’s a real marriage.
Phoebe: Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you’re only married in Vegas.
Monica: What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas you’re married everywhere.
Phoebe: Oh my God! ... Eh! Well…
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica: No way!
Chandler: It's true.
Monica: Well that's pathetic!
Chandler: Again true.
Monica: And this goes for all guys?
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing
Joey: Don't you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Monica: No, those first two windows, that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting
Rachel: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! (They start up the stairs again. Chandler is between the couch and the wall now.) Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!
Ross: I can't believe that didn't work!
Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!
Chandler: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?
Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.
Monica: You become friends after?
Joey: No, never done that either
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!
Ross: What the hell are doing?!!
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Joey: Dude! He's right there!
Ross: I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: What?! You say that to kids?!!
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.
Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Rachel: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler: And a date with a man
Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Monica: Oh my God! You don't know me at all!