Quotes in category: “TV Shows”:

Rachel: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
Chandler: Well, we could count again.

Ross: So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'.
Chandler: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back

Chandler: What's this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks. 
Chandler: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.

Phoebe: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
Ross: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Phoebe: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws

Joey: Some girl ate Monica.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?

Monica: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger then.
Chandler: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
Joey: What is with your nose? 
Rachel: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum. 
Chandler: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.

Ross: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
Chandler: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight

Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?

Joey: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means.
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?

Chandler: Anybody know a good tailor?
Joey: Needs some clothes altered?
Chandler: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
Joey: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. All right, when was 1990?
Chandler: You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!

::chosing between baby wearing clown pajamas or duck pajamas::
Chandler: we're gonna flip for the baby?!!
Joey: you got a better idea?
Chandler: call it in the air...
Joey: Heads!
Chandler: heads! yes!
Chandler: we have to assign heads to something!!!
Joey: okay well ducks will be heads, because well, ducks have heads
Chandler: what kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday?

Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.

Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack

Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.
Ross: It's morphin time!
Joey: Stegosaurus!
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!

Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment.

Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so

Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.

Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't -- you can't do...
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that.
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours.

Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.

Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Uh... yeah, why?
Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.
Rachel: Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.

Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.

Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.

Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon